So, you have some questions, maybe even some concerns, about your sexual orientation/identity. Please try to relax -- you are not alone and the questions you have are a very normal part of figuring out who you are. Just because you have questions doesn’t necessarily mean that you must immediately (or ever) label yourself as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered (commonly referred to as G/L/B/T -- we use the term "gay" as all-inclusive for simplicity), or even straight for that matter. It’s okay to be right where you are today, possibly unsure. You don’t have to make a decision one way or another this week, this month or this year. Given a little time and some work on your part, you will eventually evolve into a more concrete understanding of who you truly are. You’ll reach this place of understanding once you’ve had a chance to do some reading and talk to others about how they figured all this out for themselves. That’s how most of us figure it out -- by listening to the stories of others and finding areas where we either do or don’t identify with their feelings and attractions. Unfortunately, there is no true/false test you can take which will give you the answer to that worrisome question, "Am I, or am I not?"

If you’ve been wondering or questioning this for awhile, you may feel that you are alone and/or isolated at the moment because you have no one available to discuss this with or, at least, no one with whom you would be comfortable discussing this with. That’s okay. That’s why we are here to give you a comfortable and confidential place where you can discuss things, or where you can simply listen to the personal stories of others so that you can compare your own feelings to theirs and then draw your own conclusions. That’s what our support meetings are all about. You’ll see that we place great emphasis on attending our support meetings. This is because almost everyone who has ever attended PFLAG meetings for any length of time will tell you that the interaction of parents, family members and gay individuals at the support meetings is what helped them put the pieces of the puzzle together for themselves. It’s what helped them to unlearn the common stereotypes about being gay and to learn what a true gay "lifestyle" is really like [hint: it’s no different than a heterosexual lifestyle other than the gender of the person you may be attracted to]. Also, at our support meetings, we have free informational pamphlets and a "lending library" of books and videos which you can check-out (also free of charge) to educate yourself even more.

So, how do you begin to figure all this out for yourself? Well, as we’ve already alluded to, the best way is by reading and talking. You may currently feel that you don’t identify with anyone in the G/L/B/T community. If that’s true, odds are that you don’t really know anyone closely (e.g., a very close friend or immediate family member) who is gay. Even if you do know someone close, odds are that you probably hold many of the same stereotypes about "those people" as many in the general public do. Yes, even if you are a gay person, especially someone who is newly "out" to him- or herself, it’s still possible to have homophobia. After all, it takes a little while to learn that all those stereotypes simply aren’t true. But, no one can tell you that today and make all your fears disappear. Those stereotypes and internal fears can only begin to fade away after you’ve been around others from that community who in reality are no different from you, me, your friends, your neighbors and your co-workers, whether any of them are gay or straight. Again, that’s why our support meetings are so beneficial. They include both straight people and gay people from all walks of life and with all types of backgrounds. Just listening to other’s personal stories will get you thinking about your own situation and feelings.

What are some of the things we can share with you at our support meetings? We can tell you what we’ve learned about all the variations of sexual orientation/identity. For example, we can tell you how an individual could have one (or even several) sexual contacts with someone of the same gender but that individual is actually straight. Yes, it’s possible and does happen a lot!. We can tell you how an individual could have never had sexual contact with someone of the same gender and be completely gay, lesbian or bisexual. Yes, it’s also possible and does happen. And, we can tell you how all of these people we’re describing are completely normal like you and me. We can also explain to you how s-e-x plays such a small role in defining your sexual orientation/identity. The truth of the matter is that it is your emotional bonding to another individual, either of the same gender or the opposite gender (or both) that matters most in defining your sexual orientation/identity. Just as straight people don’t spend 100%, 50%, or even 10% of their time (2.4 hours a day?) in bed together, gay people are no more focused on sex than anyone else. That’s just another of the many stereotypes that gay people are preoccupied or obsessed with sex (mainly because most straight people cannot discuss gay issues without also thinking about sex). It’s NOT about sex! It’s about WHO you LOVE!

Now, we just mentioned emotional bonding and how it is really what matters in defining your sexual orientation/identity. You may be somewhat confused about that because so far, you may have only thought about a physical attraction to people of the same gender. You may not have given much thought about whether you could actually fall in love with someone of the same gender. Until that happens, it may be difficult to imagine how that could happen. But, think back to when you were younger, to the age when boys are first attracted to girls and vice versa. Don’t most children first experience a physical attraction which is later (sometimes years later) followed by an emotional attraction? The same scenario applies here. You may now be like a child who is discovering for him- or herself what attracts them. The physical attraction comes from within and usually appears first. The emotional attraction comes also from within, but usually is delayed until we learn more about our feelings and instincts. So, if you think you have some physical attractions to people of the same gender today, but don’t feel a sense of emotional longing also, don’t fret. In time, you’ll figure all this out. And, we are here to help you do just that.

You deserve to live it honestly, openly and, most important, happily!