. . . and the one that receives most of our energy. We provide support directly to you via our
website (see below), our confidential
telephone helpline and email correspondence, and at our local
support meetings. All services are provided free-of-charge by our
committed and caring volunteers who have previously experienced and worked through the
feelings and issues you may be experiencing now. After all, we've all
"been there" before, so we all know the importance of being there to
lend support to those who are just starting this amazing journey. Likewise, we all
know the importance of maintaining confidentiality, and therefore we stress
confidentiality at every point in the process. Please take some time to explore, ponder and digest
the information presented below.
Reminder: GLBTQ
= Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender,
and Questioning
Yes,
it's true: No one wishes for a situation that results in a
need to attend a support meeting -- especially when dealing with
sometimes emotional topics like these. We know
you'd rather go in for a root canal instead of coming to one of
our
local PFLAG support meetings. However, we cannot stress
enough how productive and positive our support
meetings can be for parents, family members, friends, and for
gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and "questioning" (GLBTQ)
individuals.
While
support meetings are truly best, we also provide support via email.
You can rest assured that all messages exchanged are kept
strictly confidential. Whenever possible (which is most of
the time), we can put you in touch with a local PFLAG volunteer who
has traveled the journey you are now on. To receive initial
support by email, simply send
us a message.
We can also provide confidential support via
our telephone helpline. Simply call our helpline at (602) 843-1404 and leave
your name and call-back phone number (please speak S-L-O-W-L-Y!), and a PFLAG volunteer will call you
back. When the volunteer returns your call, they will ask for you
by name. To ensure your confidentiality, they will not mention
PFLAG, and if they get an answering machine, they will not leave a
message. They will make several attempts to reach you. If you do
not hear from anyone within a day or two, please call back -- or
send us an email message
if you can.
Support from GLBTQ-Friendly Counselors
If you (or
your loved one) feel that you (they) need (or would be more
comfortable with) professional counseling services, by all means
seek out those services. To help you find a counselor who
deals with these issues, we maintain a list of
local GLBT and
GLBTQ-friendly counselors.
Why wait
for a support meeting, an email response, or a call-back telephone
call from one of our volunteers? Most of our
PFLAG literature (plus
other supportive pamphlets and articles) is available for
reading online right now! Read in the comfort and privacy of
your own space. Feel free to have your reaction(s) in private.
Once you're ready, give our very helpful
support meetings a try!
Recommended Reading and Watching List
A listing of books
and videos, arranged by
topic area, that will provide support as well... [more]
Our "Lending Library"
Most
of our local support meeting sites have a "lending
library" of books that can be
checked out for free. Selections vary by location.
We have many books that are supportive in nature, and we encourage
everyone to read to expand their knowledge while also dispelling the
many myths that are out there.
Our Personal Stories
Local PFLAG members
(and others) share their personal
stories with you so that you can draw insights into your own
journey or into the journey of your loved one.
You may find it easier to navigate the following online pamphlets
and supportive articles by first jumping over to our
Education section to read through
common definitions you will
certainly encounter as you begin reading these pamphlets and articles.
This is
not because they are GLBT
-- it is
because they are
rejected
by family and/or friends, and/or
they are
bullied endlessly at
school or elsewhere.
FACT:
One in 7
people who dies by suicide is a
child.
FACT:
One in 3
gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgender teens
has
attempted suicide.
FACT:
Half
of gay and transgender youth
have been
rejected by their parents
after coming out.
More than
1 in 4 have been
thrown out
of the house.
FACT:
Gay and transgender teens
whose
parents rejected them
after coming out were up to
9 times
more likely to attempt suicide
than those whose parents
accepted them.
Appearing depressed or sad
most of the time. (Untreated depression is the number one cause
for suicide.)
Talking or writing about
death or suicide.
Withdrawing from family and
friends.
Feeling hopeless.
Feeling helpless.
Feeling strong anger or rage.
Feeling trapped -- like there
is no way out of a situation.
Experiencing dramatic mood
changes.
Abusing drugs or alcohol.
Exhibiting a change in
personality.
Acting impulsively.
Losing interest in most
activities.
Experiencing a change in
sleeping habits.
Experiencing a change in
eating habits.
Losing interest in most
activities.
Performing poorly at work or
in school.
Giving away prized
possessions.
Writing a will.
Feeling excessive guilt or
shame.
Acting recklessly.
It should be noted that some
people who die by suicide do not show any suicide
warning signs.
But about 75 percent of those who
die by suicide do exhibit some suicide warning
signs, so we need to be aware of what the suicide
warning signs are and try to spot them in people. If
we do see someone exhibiting suicide warning signs,
we need to do everything that we can to help them.
If you or someone you know
exhibits several of the suicide warning signs listed
above, immediate
action is required.
ACT!
ACT:
Be accepting at home.
A little affection goes a long
way. Youth whose parents
accepted their sexual
orientation or gender identity
enjoyed greater overall health;
possessed higher self-esteem;
and were much less likely to be
depressed, use illegal drugs or
think about or attempt suicide.
By
contrast, those who were
rejected by their parents and
family members were up to
nine times
more likely to have attempted
suicide than those whose parents
accepted them.
ACT:
We can do a great deal to
minimize the risk of suicide
among gay and transgender youth.
Showing acceptance and support
is key, as it can decrease the
sense of alienation and
isolation that these youth
experience.
ACT:
Not sure that you can accept
this?
This is why PFLAG is here.
Come, learn from us how you can
overcome the barriers you feel
are keeping you from fully
accepting your GLBT child.
We've helped thousands of
families just like yours -- and
we
can help you too.
ACT:
What to do in the meantime?
Grab your kid, hug them 'til it
hurts, tell them you love them
no matter what. If you
need to, tell them you are
struggling with this news.
Tell them that you need time to
digest and absorb this
information, to sort out your
feelings, and to educate
yourself. Remind them that
they've had a long time to come
to this realization about themself, and you need some time
too to work through this.
But, assure them that no matter
what, they are still your child,
that you love them, and that
together, you both will work
through this and be the better
(and closer) because of it.
You can do this!
If
bullying and/or harassment could be impacting your
child's life, please review
our
section on Bullying and Harassment --
Learn the signs; you may not be aware!
Two "MUST
SEE" Videos for ALL Parents -- Which Set of Parents
Will YOU Be Like?
"Always
My Son"
The following
video presents a shining example of parents who "got it
right" and put their personal feelings aside for the
betterment of their gay child. While this family had a
gay son, their example is valid for ALL parents who have a
gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or "questioning"
(GLBTQ) child. Please watch this video in its entirety,
and ask yourself: "What can **I** do to make my
child's family life and school life a more fulfilling,
loving and accepted experience?"
"What Would You
Do?"
The following
video is a segment from ABC's "What Would You Do?" television
series. It features three actors, one portraying a gay son and
the other two portraying a homophobic father and mother. The
setting is a public cafe where the son is "coming out" to one of
his parents. Watch to see how the unsuspecting
public surrounding them reacts to the berating that follows from the
parents. Would you be so heartless to react to
your GLBTQ child this way -- either in public or private?
For your child's emotional well-being, we hope not.
Now, on to
our Online Pamphlets and Supportive Articles
Our
Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers
for
Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People
One of our most popular
publications, this is a "must read" for parents who
are forming new and honest relationships with a
loved one who has come out to them. This booklet
answers several commonly-asked questions about
having a gay child. It includes a list of related
resources.
The Human
Rights Campaign and Parents, Family and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) present a first of
its kind guide to LGBT Americans written for
straight people. The guide walks people through
the emotional spectrum that people typically
feel after someone comes out to them, outlines
myths and facts about LGBT people, and gives
easy ways for straight people to learn more and
demonstrate their support for LGBT Americans.
[View]
Answers to Parents' Questions
about Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual and Transgender
People
I'm Coming Out...I Want the World
to Know...(Or
Do I?)
If you’ve made
yourself accessible to teenagers, sooner or
later one or more of them might ask for advice,
information, or support regarding sexual
orientation or gender identity. Some youth might
be questioning (or figuring out their feelings)
around orientation and identity, while others
might have “discovered” their identity or
orientation and want to discuss the
implications. This article offers appropriate,
respectful responses to GLBTQ youth. Written by
youth, the responses address some of the
questions most frequently asked about sexual
orientation and coming out. (Note:
This article starts on page 16 of this
document.) [View]
Guide to Being
a Straight Ally
This is a guide
for straight allies, by straight allies. It aims
to invite, educate, and engage straight allies
in the effort to create a world with equality
for all. Interested?
You can
learn more at the
Straight for Equality website.[View]
There are more
general pamphlets on
sexual orientation below -- keep reading
"Lead with
Love"
Today's Family: When a Teenager 'Comes Out'
WNBC’s Darlene Rodriguez
takes a look at challenges teens face
when they decide to “come out.” Psychiatrist Dr. Charles
Sophy
offers advice for parents who have a child struggling with
sexual identity.
How To Talk With Preschool-Age Children (3-5 years)
How to Talk With School-Age Children (6-12 years)
How to Talk With Teenagers (13-18 years)
Questions and Answers
For Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and "Questioning" Individuals:
Be
Yourself:
Questions and Answers for Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual &
Transgender Youth
Today's
youth face more social pressures than ever,
especially since young people are coming out at
increasingly younger ages. This publication offers a
supportive approach to common questions asked by
teens who may be questioning their sexual
orientation. It also provides hotline numbers for
teens and a list of resources.
Throughout
the process of coming out and living ever more
openly, you should always be in the driver’s
seat about how, where, when and with whom you
choose to be open. This guide was designed to
help you through that process in realistic and
practical terms. It acknowledges that the
experience of coming out and living openly
covers the full spectrum of human emotion – from
fear to euphoria.
For Spouses/Partners of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and
"Questioning" Individuals:
Opening the Straight
Spouses' Closet
Finding
out a spouse is gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender can be difficult. Questions
about sexual orientation, fidelity, self-esteem
and fear often go unanswered. This
recently updated and expanded publication
provides insight into issues facing spouses,
including coping stages, identity crises,
concerns about children and support avenues.
[View]
More General Pamphlets
For Anyone:
Answers to Your Questions For a Better
Understanding of Sexual Orientation &
Homosexuality
Published by the American Psychological
Association (APA).
Faith in Our
Families: Parents, Families and Friends
Talk About Religion and Homosexuality
Discovering
that a loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender can pose new questions about your
faith and may prompt you to re-evaluate beliefs
that you previously took for granted. By
using personal experiences, this publication
provides examples for reconciling your faith
with the knowledge that a loved one is gay.
includes an updated list of gay and lesbian
religious and spiritual groups to watch out for. [View]
Answers to Questions About
Religion and Homosexuality
God's Calling: A Pastor of a Georgia
Megachurch "Comes Out" to His Congregation
This is a powerful video that
shows Pastor Jim Swilley's "coming out"
discussion with his congregation in Georgia.
His ex-wife of 21 years (and co-pastor at the
church) is also present and is equally as moving
as Pastor Jim is. This discussion touches
on many issues that are worth hearing,
especially if you are a parent, family member or
friend who still struggles with the fact that
your loved one is gay or lesbian, or whether
this is a "choice" or inborn, or with what your
faith teaches about homosexuality. It is
also worthy watching if you yourself are gay or
lesbian and are still struggling to accept your
identity, or your place in the world as a gay or
lesbian individual. The discussion lasts
about an hour and 15 minutes. I cannot
encourage you enough to take the time to watch
and learn. And, I think you'll be pleased
with the response given by the congregation.
Pamphlets Focused on
Gender Identity & Expression
(i.e., Transgender, Transsexual, Intersex, Genderqueer, and more)
For Parents, Family Members, and Friends:
Welcoming Our Trans
Family and Friends
This resource is for parents and friends of
transgender and gender non-conforming adults and
youth. This guide will help answer some of your
questions and concerns. This publication
provides information, resources and strategies
on creating a safe space for transgender and
gender non-conforming family and friends, as
well as addressing your own feelings.
[View]
Our
Trans Children,
Sixth Edition
This
publication from
the
PFLAG
Transgender Network (TNET) is an
introduction to trans issues especially for
parents of “children” of all ages.
Contents include commonly asked questions,
commonalities and differences between sexual
orientation and gender identity, issues of
transgender youth, and transgender
and the law.
The Human
Rights Campaign and Parents, Family and Friends
of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) present a first of
its kind guide to LGBT Americans written for
straight people. The guide walks people through
the emotional spectrum that people typically
feel after someone comes out to them, outlines
myths and facts about LGBT people, and gives
easy ways for straight people to learn more and
demonstrate their support for LGBT Americans.
[View]
If You Are Concerned about Your Child's
Gender Behaviors: A Guide for Parents
This guide for parents answers the most
frequently asked questions about your
child's gender behaviors.
I'm Coming Out...I Want the World
to Know...(Or
Do I?)
If you’ve made
yourself accessible to teenagers, sooner or
later one or more of them might ask for advice,
information, or support regarding sexual
orientation or gender identity. Some youth might
be questioning (or figuring out their feelings)
around orientation and identity, while others
might have “discovered” their identity or
orientation and want to discuss the
implications. This article offers appropriate,
respectful responses to GLBTQ youth. Written by
youth, the responses address some of the
questions most frequently asked about sexual
orientation and coming out. (Note:
This article starts on page 16 of this
document.) [View]
Guide to Being
a Straight Ally
This is a guide
for straight allies, by straight allies. It aims
to invite, educate, and engage straight allies
in the effort to create a world with equality
for all. Interested?
You can
learn more at the
Straight for Equality website.[View]
There are more
general pamphlets on
gender identity/expression below -- keep reading
For Transgender and "Questioning" Individuals:
Be
Yourself:
Questions and Answers for Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual &
Transgender Youth
Today's
youth face more social pressures than ever,
especially since young people are coming out at
increasingly younger ages. This publication offers a
supportive approach to common questions asked by
teens who may be questioning their sexual
orientation. It also provides hotline numbers for
teens and a list of resources.
This
single-page handout outlines things you need to
consider when you plan to come out to your
parents and family. It is a guide to making the
coming out process as comfortable as possible.
For Spouses/Partners of Transgender and "Questioning" Individuals:
Opening the Straight
Spouses' Closet
Finding
out a spouse is gay, lesbian, bisexual or
transgender can be difficult. Questions
about sexual orientation, fidelity, self-esteem
and fear often go unanswered. This
recently updated and expanded publication
provides insight into issues facing spouses,
including coping stages, identity crises,
concerns about children and support avenues.
[View]
We can also provide confidential support via
our telephone helpline. Simply call our helpline at (602) 843-1404 and leave
your name and call-back phone number (please speak S-L-O-W-L-Y!), and a PFLAG volunteer will call you
back. When the volunteer returns your call, they will ask for you
by name. To ensure your confidentiality, they will not mention
PFLAG, and if they get an answering machine, they will not leave a
message. They will make several attempts to reach you. If you do
not hear from anyone within a day or two, please call back -- or
