An open letter to our PFLAG Phoenix membership from one of our “TRANS-PARENTS” (printed in our December, 1999 newsletter):
 

One year ago, I became a “trans-parent”.  In mid-November of 1998, my husband and I received a letter from our 45 year-old son telling us of his struggle with his gender identity.  This revelation came as an astonishing surprise to us.  In the letter, our sond told of his need to cross-dress from the time he was a young boy.  We never had a clue.

I was home alone when the letter arrived and my first thought was to contact my dear friend, Agnes, who had lost her beloved son to AIDS several years ago.  Fortunately, she was able to come to me immediately to give much needed comfort and support.  Shortly after she arrived, my husband John came home, and we all tried to digest the “news”.  Agnes was a member of PFLAG Phoenix and was aware of the chapter’s recent inclusion of transgendered persons and their families.  Jeannie’s [a PFLAG Phoenix transgender and volunteer] phone number was listed in the newsletter and during a call to her, we arranged to meet at the December 1998 PFLAG meeting.

Our ignorance was devastating.  We were full of questions and anxieties.  Our support group that night lovingly and graciously answered all of our questions, regardless of how ignorant they seemed to be.  We attended the West Valley PFLAG group also, where we felt a warmth and inclusiveness that sustained us.

This year has been difficult, but rewarding.  Our son has been through some very tough times:  a divorce, no support from his church, and only silence and alienation from his three children.  However, the new relationship that John and I have with our child now is the best that we’ve ever had together.

As of September 1st [1999], the transition has begun.  Our new daughter, Amanda, has been accepted at her job, so the possible loss of livelihood that we had anticipated is no longer a concern.  She has also found a GLBT church that has been very welcoming and she is now serving on the steering committee of a PFLAG chapter, attempting to re-activate PFLAG in Columbia, Missouri.  We are very proud of her courage and activism.

As for me and John, we sought counseling from our church.  One of the ministers has been helpful, although he is the only person at the church that we feel comfortable with knowing the truth.

I would like to invite the membership of PFLAG Phoenix to become aware of some of the special issues that transsexual persons face aside from those that they share with the gay and lesbian community.  We truly believe that without the resources and support that we’ve received from PFLAG Phoenix, we would never be at the point of understanding and acceptance that we are now.  I want you all to know how important our association with PFLAG has been to us.  Not only for all we’ve learned about our own child’s coming out, but also for all we’ve learned concerning the challenges, goals and efforts of the entire GLBT community seeking change and acceptance.

Thank you all again,
Marilyn and John
 

What a difference a year makes!

Proud Mom Marilyn at the Phoenix Pride 2000 parade!