The following is a response from PFLAG Phoenix chapter president Dave Pape to a request I (the PFLAG Phoenix webmaster) forwarded to our chapter Steering Committee members regarding The Advocate's article entitled "Labor of Love:  Is society ready for this pregnant husband?"

Background:

When I first learned of this true story, I have to admit that I was somewhat shocked, bewildered, and a little fearful.  After all, it's not every day that a pregnant man comes along.  In fact, as far as we know, this is the first time.  Upon learning that the pregnant man is a transgender individual, I immediately feared the possible backlash that might erupt once this story gained traction in the tabloid (and possibly in the mainstream) media.  So, before posting a link to The Advocate story on our website, I shared it internally with our PFLAG Phoenix Steering Committee to solicit their reactions and advice.  There were a handful of mixed responses, but when I received chapter president Dave Pape's response, I knew I had my answer.  In fact, his response was so PERFECT, I knew I had to share it with all of you.

Dave's response:

Hi Mike:

I just finished reading the article Labor of Love.  It has taken me about an hour to digest the information in the article and then consider your question “what might others think.”  We have been down this road before about who do we include and who we exclude when there could be controversy over a GLBT issue.  The most recent controversy was over “The Employment Non Discrimination Act” (ENDA), where the transgendered members of the community were going to be left out of the final draft of the bill, to give the bill a better chance of passage. 

It is a slippery slope when we exclude any members of the community because they might damage the image of the “whole” community.

I have a PFLAG bumper sticker on my truck that says:  “PFLAG We Value All Families.”  James Dobson excludes GLBT families in his definition of what a family is.  I don’t think we want to follow his lead in this area.  Who are we to define what we think a family should be?  I agree with you fully that some individuals will see this family as an example of what is wrong with GLBT families, marriage, recognition, equal rights, etc..

It all really doesn’t matter, our position should be that the definition of a family is as diverse as the people who come together in loving relationships to make families.  We should support these people like we support any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender individuals coming together to create a family unit. 

Like the quote from Martin Luther King Jr., that I read on January 21^st, at the Paradise Valley support meeting stated:  “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”  This is obviously a controversial issue and like Chuck said it might be a very long time before society is ready to accept a family like the one described in this article.  It would be easy for us to bail out of the issue, sweep it under the rug and forget about it.  Who decides what the next issue will be that we remain silent on? 

If we truly believe and want to live up to what my bumper sticker says “PFLAG We value All Families” I think there is only one answer to your question “what might others think.”  This is truly a litmus test of what we stand for and what PFLAG stands for.  We value all families who are in loving and committed relationships and call themselves a family.

Dave Pape

Thanks Dave for setting me straight (well, like THAT's likely...) on this family's story.

Mike :-)

PFLAG Phoenix webmaster